Rating the TV Chefs
OK, time for some cooking talk. To be honest I don’t watch much cooking on TV anymore. There was a point in my life where Food TV was my default TV network, but there comes a point where after watching someone demonstrating how to scrape the seeds out a vanilla pod for the hundredth time where enough if enough. With that said, I still do watch some shows while others make me want to poke my eyes out with a cooking thermometer. Ratings are based on 6 Stars (hey, everybody else uses 4 or 5 but not me, I’m the Poker Chef Damnit!)
6 Stars
Julia Child
Yes, dear Julia is the only member of the prestigious Poker Chef 6 Star club. What I love about Julia is her unpretentiousness and her damn common sense. Don’t want to be fat? Hey lardass, don’t eat so damn much! Eat everything in moderation and you don’t need to drink diet pop and eat fat free foods. She never considered herself a true chef but a very good home cook. She’s everything I aspire to be in a cook.
5 Stars
Jacques Pepin
Jacques is the master when it comes to technique. In fact his Cooking Techniques TV show is the only cooking video I’ve ever purchased. Jacques is old school and went through the rigorous French apprenticeship program. If I could have the skills of any one chef it would be that of good ole’ Jacques’.
4 Stars
Alton Brown
I’d really love to give him 5 stars but I can’t. Why you ask? Well, it comes down to that he’s no Jacques Pepin. I love Alton and would love to hang out with him but he’s not in the legend category…yet.
Anthony Bourdain
Truthfully he could rate higher but he doesn’t actually cook on TV, he just travels around the world eating exotic food. I also have his Las Halles Cookbok and it’s great. The tone of the book is that you’re a lowlife wannabe and Tony is teaching you how to cook real bistro food. If you’re a masochist like me you’ll love it.
Mario Batalli
This is based on his Malto Mario show since I’ve yet to watch Iron Chef America. He’s passionate about his food and culture, two things I like seeing in a cook.
The Iron Chefs (Original series)
Talk about cooking under pressure. These guys made some awesome looking food in an hours’ time. Too bad I burned out watching this show because I’ve never seen the American version.
Jacques Torres
Most of his creations I can only dream about making; they are that complex...and I love making complex desserts. He's a joy to watch in the kitchen.
3 Stars
Jamie Oliver
He’s English and I’m an Anglophile so this is where he rates. Slightly annoying but hip so he’s middle of the pack for me.
2 Fat Chicks
Can’t think of their names, but is that really important? English? Check. Their show had a warm feel to it and I like that. Plus one of them died before they could jump the shark.
Tyler Florence
Not sure why I’m rating him this high. Maybe I’m secretly gay and don’t know it? Nah, he’s passionate about food and seems to want to help people learn how to cook. But he’s still kind of blah.
Bobby Flay
The boy can cook, no doubt about it, but he also comes off as a prick. My favorite Bobby Flay show was the Barbeque show with the redneck. Too bad I liked the redneck better.
Rachel Ray
Let’s face it; if she wasn’t so cute her annoying voice and laugh would rate her about 1 star, but she’s hot so she moves up. Life is so unfair to ugly people.
Sandra Lee
I like her show even less than Rachel Ray’s; in fact I despise the concept of it. But…she’s even hotter than Rachel Ray so here she is…grrrrr.
2 Stars
Emeril
Poor Emeril. I used to like his show but now you couldn’t pay me money to watch it. Emeril has not only jumped the shark, he’s dropped an atom bomb on it. I did eat in his Fish restaurant in Vegas and it was very good. Sidenote: when not in front of a live audience he moves up to three stars
1 Star
Martha Stewart
She’s a ripoff in every sense of the word. She acts like she can cook but I’d go up against her any day in an Iron Chef competition and kick her ass.
Ina Garten
Talk about pretentious; she lives in the Hamptons, has a rich husband and just reeks of snobbery. If she was thin and attractive she’d move up; see Rachel Ray.
Sara Moulton
It pains me to put her here since she worked with Julia Child at one point, but Jesus she’s SO annoying I can’t help it.
No Ranking
Jeff Smith
The Frugal Gourmet was the show that began my love of cooking and for years Jeff Smith was the best. Unfortunately it appears he did some very bad things involving young boys. None were ever proven but there were a number of settlements out of court. I trulely miss the Frug that I grew up on; he'd be at 6 stars.
There you have it, the first draft of my rankings. If I haven’t included your favorite chef it’s probably because I haven’t seen their show, or more likely, I can’t think of it now. Or they just suck too much to mention. I’m sure I will update this in the future.
6 Stars
Julia Child
Yes, dear Julia is the only member of the prestigious Poker Chef 6 Star club. What I love about Julia is her unpretentiousness and her damn common sense. Don’t want to be fat? Hey lardass, don’t eat so damn much! Eat everything in moderation and you don’t need to drink diet pop and eat fat free foods. She never considered herself a true chef but a very good home cook. She’s everything I aspire to be in a cook.
5 Stars
Jacques Pepin
Jacques is the master when it comes to technique. In fact his Cooking Techniques TV show is the only cooking video I’ve ever purchased. Jacques is old school and went through the rigorous French apprenticeship program. If I could have the skills of any one chef it would be that of good ole’ Jacques’.
4 Stars
Alton Brown
I’d really love to give him 5 stars but I can’t. Why you ask? Well, it comes down to that he’s no Jacques Pepin. I love Alton and would love to hang out with him but he’s not in the legend category…yet.
Anthony Bourdain
Truthfully he could rate higher but he doesn’t actually cook on TV, he just travels around the world eating exotic food. I also have his Las Halles Cookbok and it’s great. The tone of the book is that you’re a lowlife wannabe and Tony is teaching you how to cook real bistro food. If you’re a masochist like me you’ll love it.
Mario Batalli
This is based on his Malto Mario show since I’ve yet to watch Iron Chef America. He’s passionate about his food and culture, two things I like seeing in a cook.
The Iron Chefs (Original series)
Talk about cooking under pressure. These guys made some awesome looking food in an hours’ time. Too bad I burned out watching this show because I’ve never seen the American version.
Jacques Torres
Most of his creations I can only dream about making; they are that complex...and I love making complex desserts. He's a joy to watch in the kitchen.
3 Stars
Jamie Oliver
He’s English and I’m an Anglophile so this is where he rates. Slightly annoying but hip so he’s middle of the pack for me.
2 Fat Chicks
Can’t think of their names, but is that really important? English? Check. Their show had a warm feel to it and I like that. Plus one of them died before they could jump the shark.
Tyler Florence
Not sure why I’m rating him this high. Maybe I’m secretly gay and don’t know it? Nah, he’s passionate about food and seems to want to help people learn how to cook. But he’s still kind of blah.
Bobby Flay
The boy can cook, no doubt about it, but he also comes off as a prick. My favorite Bobby Flay show was the Barbeque show with the redneck. Too bad I liked the redneck better.
Rachel Ray
Let’s face it; if she wasn’t so cute her annoying voice and laugh would rate her about 1 star, but she’s hot so she moves up. Life is so unfair to ugly people.
Sandra Lee
I like her show even less than Rachel Ray’s; in fact I despise the concept of it. But…she’s even hotter than Rachel Ray so here she is…grrrrr.
2 Stars
Emeril
Poor Emeril. I used to like his show but now you couldn’t pay me money to watch it. Emeril has not only jumped the shark, he’s dropped an atom bomb on it. I did eat in his Fish restaurant in Vegas and it was very good. Sidenote: when not in front of a live audience he moves up to three stars
1 Star
Martha Stewart
She’s a ripoff in every sense of the word. She acts like she can cook but I’d go up against her any day in an Iron Chef competition and kick her ass.
Ina Garten
Talk about pretentious; she lives in the Hamptons, has a rich husband and just reeks of snobbery. If she was thin and attractive she’d move up; see Rachel Ray.
Sara Moulton
It pains me to put her here since she worked with Julia Child at one point, but Jesus she’s SO annoying I can’t help it.
No Ranking
Jeff Smith
The Frugal Gourmet was the show that began my love of cooking and for years Jeff Smith was the best. Unfortunately it appears he did some very bad things involving young boys. None were ever proven but there were a number of settlements out of court. I trulely miss the Frug that I grew up on; he'd be at 6 stars.
There you have it, the first draft of my rankings. If I haven’t included your favorite chef it’s probably because I haven’t seen their show, or more likely, I can’t think of it now. Or they just suck too much to mention. I’m sure I will update this in the future.
posted by Eric at 8:12 PM
4 Comments:
very nice ratings. thx for the tip on the Las Halles Cookbook - never thought to get it before but now heading to amazon.
the only thing i own more than poker books is cookbooks damnit.
there's a few PBS cooks that i got attached to that i didnt see here but that's only minor quibbling. :)
You're right about the PBS shows; there's a number of small ones that hang around for a season or so and are then gone. I DID forget Charlie Trotter's show which I love - I also had the best meal of my life in his restaurant in Chicago.
Don't get me started on cookbooks...when I get done moving I post all the books I have.
Enjoy Las Halles! You won't be sorry. Demi Glace makes all foods better.
My bad, it's LES Halles
Yes, Graham Kerr will be added in the future. He's goofy but I really do admire him.
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